Are Prenups Bad? Separating Fact From Fiction

Why Prenups Have a Bad Reputation

Creating a prenup is deeply personal between you and your partner. Unfortunately, many think they're unnecessary or even unfair to one party. Contrary to popular belief, a prenup isn't meant to leave one partner high and dry if the relationship fails.

Some see prenups as a sign that you or your partner are preparing for an inevitable separation. However, they don't affect the rate of separation or dissolution of a legally binding relationship. They may actually help your relationship by opening up transparent communication before legally and financially tying yourself to your partner.

It's common for partners to feel blindsided or offended when presented with a request for a prenup. They may see it as a sign that their partner doesn't trust them. In reality, a prenup is just a piece of paper dictating your financial plans moving forward so both of you are on the same page. 

In most cases, a well-written prenup is legally binding, meaning a court will enforce the terms. However, unfair or unrealistic prenups often don't stand up in court, and judges typically don't have a problem disregarding them if they think the documents are too one-sided.

Signs of a Bad Prenup

Bad prenups aren't just unfair to one party. They're often unenforceable in court. Though largely considered legally binding, prenups can be overturned, and if you have your own attorney reviewing a proposed prenup, they'll look out for these signs:

• They're unfair. Prenups shouldn't heavily favor one partner. Granting all assets to one while the other retains all the debt doesn't make sense in most cases, especially if the prenup dictates that this is the case regardless of the contributions each person brings to the relationship.
• They lack transparency. Bad prenups leave out key financial information. They might hide certain assets or debts to create more favorable terms for one partner over the other.
• They include unenforceable terms.A bad or coercive prenup may include unenforceable terms, such as child custody or child support. In all states, neither of these can be enforced by a prenuptial agreement. Other states may have additional rules about what can and cannot be enforced by a prenup. In many states, for example, you can't waive temporary alimony. Other unenforceable terms might mention household matters, require certain activities to be performed, or dictate appearance or religion.
• One partner feels coerced or pressured. Prenups should be entered willingly, and both partners should have plenty of time to review the terms with an attorney and negotiate changes as appropriate. One of the most common reasons prenups don't hold up in court is if one can prove coercion or duress at signing.
• Only one partner gets legal representation. Each partner should have their own attorney reviewing documents and explaining what they mean. This ensures that both parties get sound legal advice. ‍
• Language that encourages separation. The prenup should promote a healthy, sustainable relationship. If financial incentives are offered for separation, they may invalidate the entire prenup.

The Truth About Good Prenups

While bad prenups can and do exist, they're intended to benefit each partner similarly. A good prenup is one that couples feel good about signing. They're not a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail or that one person is keeping a foot out the door. Rather, they're a sign of your love for each other and your desire to ensure that your partner is financially stable and provided for.

• They consider both parties fairly. Prenups should be fair to both of you. That doesn't mean they necessarily call for a 50/50 division of all assets. After all, fairness isn't always equal, and what feels fair to one may not feel the same to another. In some cases, one partner may retain the assets they brought into the relationship, while those gained during the relationship are divided. Others may choose to divide debts according to who accrued them before and during the relationship.
• They come from a place of collaborative love. A good prenup doesn't come from inherent mistrust or a lack of commitment. Rather, it comes from looking at the person you've committed yourself to and deciding how, if your relationship ends, you want them to walk away. If you truly love someone, you want what's best for them. A good prenup considers this and provides for both of you.
• They encourage complete financial transparency. Good prenups lay everything financial on the table—current assets and debts, as well as future goals and financial responsibilities. Think of them as an outline for your financial conversations prior to committing to each other. Both of you should know exactly where you stand financially, and the prenup solidifies this.
• They consider the future. Your prenup shouldn't just be a snapshot of your financial position at the time of signing. It should also consider the future. How will earnings be divided in your relationship? Will you keep finances separate, with each contributing a certain amount to joint funds? Will one of you be a stay-at-home partner to take care of the house or children? What will funding both retirements look like? A prenup can facilitate these conversations.

Treat Your Prenup With the Same Love and Dedication You Treat Your Partner

Are you considering asking for a prenup, or have you been presented with one? Neptune helps you prepare by giving you the information you need, like the pros and cons of prenups, and by matching you and your partner with skilled attorneys ready to guide you through the process. 

Take Neptune's prenuptial quiz and relationship quiz to make sure you and your partner are aligned in your relationship.