Our prenup saved my cat’s life

‍Ever wanted to know actual clauses that can be in a prenup? 

This week we share Sarah’s prenup story. Sarah has been married to James for almost a year and their 1st wedding anniversary is coming up in September! We’re asking couples why they chose to get a prenup and dismantling the taboo around the topic.

All names have been changed to preserve anonymity.

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Name: Sarah

Location: Rye, NY

Age: 29

Occupation: Public school teacher

Own v. Rent: Own

Joint Bank Account: Yes

Dependents: 0 (but a few cats to manage)

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3 key clauses that we had in our prenup

‍Pet clause

I have two cats - Richie and Harry. I had Harry before I met James, so Harry is truly mine. We got Richie when we got together, but we agreed both cats would stay mine. For me this was important because even though we treat them like family, I know New York treats them like property. James agrees that he would never take the cats but I wanted to ensure there wouldn’t be any issues with the custody of the cats.

Neptune Insight: Pet clauses in prenups are on the rise as more couples bring furry friends into their family. 

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Who gets the ring?

If we get divorced, James gets the ring back. What am I gonna do with the ring? Maybe it’s just my own superstition but I wouldn’t want it.

Neptune Insight: In New York, an engagement ring is considered a gift so this is a custom clause for Sarah and James. 

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Keeping my home as separate property but HOA & property taxes are joint

We currently live in a 3 bedroom home. I bought the house in cash with the help of my parents so it was important their contribution was kept separate. James had no issue with this. 

I’m still responsible for the HOA fees and property taxes. I thought we should be splitting this part of the expenses since if James wasn’t living here, he would be paying rent somewhere else. James was resistant at first but he is living in the house and utilizing the amenities, so we agreed that the HOA and taxes would be split. 

We also agreed that if we were to sell the current house and purchase another, we would split it according to our contribution to the purchase of the new house. 

Neptune Insight: Home ownership of a property purchased prior to marriage is one of the most common terms addressed in a prenup.  

‍What surprised us most about getting a prenup

It’s a lifesaver - literally

Shortly after we got our cat Figaro in October last year - yes, we got a third cat - we had to spend $7,000 on a surgery to save his life. The vet came out to the emergency room and said it’s gonna cost $7,000 and asked whether we wanted to put Figaro down or do the surgery. That’s a stressful situation that neither of us expected would ever come up. 

The prenup conversations helped us make a quick financial decision because we didn’t have to go, “wait a minute, we need to see if we can afford this,” and have a potentially heated discussion about if we wanted to spend the money to save his life. We were able to immediately commit to the surgery. There were no questions or discussion needed on that alignment. 

And for anyone wondering, he’s doing much better now, thank god!

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Having critical money conversations

The prenup opened the door for us to talk about finances. It wasn’t a matter of not wanting to talk about money, there just wasn’t anything prompting us to talk about it. We had to list out everything we had as a part of the prenup process and I found that to be such a valuable exercise! It also brought us into alignment with what mattered the most, which helped us make quick decisions when time was a factor.

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Prenup becoming a fun activity

This might not be what everyone thinks, but for me, having a new experience is fun, and the prenup was a new experience, so therefore, fun!

And yes, money can be stressful and anxiety inducing - we definitely had some heated discussions about money and the prenup - but ultimately, it was a way for us to think about how we plan on spending money and investing in our future as a married couple. That’s what ultimately made the process fun. 

We have since talked about meeting a financial advisor and making a plan for the future.

‍Advice for future couples thinking about a prenup

Just do it. I know that’s an overused phrase but I mean it. There’s this preconceived notion that prenups suggest you're preparing for the marriage to fail, but I strongly disagree with that. It was quite the opposite of that for us. It opens up conversations that brought us closer together as a couple.

‍Any last thoughts? 

Not everyone does premarital counseling or couples therapy but I think it’s a good idea. In some ways, Neptune was a therapist for us that helped me understand what I wanted out of money and certain situations. It better prepared us for the hard conversations that make or break a relationship.

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Curious how a prenup could help you and your partner align on money decisions? Check out our free chatbot to learn more about the process.